Sexting

Ok so now "sexting" has become a possible means by which teens can be bullied or harrassed?

According to recent media reports, teens are sending sms messages with sexually explicit content, or even photos of themselves, to boyfriends who, when the relationship fails, choose to send them to the girl's friends, family or other males at the school.

Or apparently some boys get a mate "to secret themselves away" in a hidden place so they can film sexual activity between the other boy and his girlfriend and then they can do what they like with these videos.

What the hell is going on????

I mean sure teens have always used various means by which to flirt with one another and yep when relationships go pear-shaped people don't always shower themselves in glory with the way they behave.

But really, what is going on here? Why is that these smart techno teens of today don't see how easy it is for their trust to breached and abused and the far ranging implications for them if someone does breach their trust? What are they thinking sms-ing compromising images of themselves to their boyfriend? As for text messages of an explicit nature, have we learned nothing from the lessons Shane Warne has tried to share with us? I mean it wasn't like we had to get it the first time, he did afterall give us more than opportunity to heed and understand the message!!

It is all kind of sad really. It seems that is just getting harder and harder for our kids, especially our girls, to be just that KIDS. All too soon they are feeling peer pressure to wear make up, to dress like a "mini-adult" or sometimes, lets be honest, like mini-hookers in some cases. The children's underwear department host's bra tops and matching knickers and allegedly according to some mums, even g-string underwear??? Are you serious? Why are we raising kids who at that tender age are even going to care if the top matches or the undies, or even that they need to wear a "bra top" when they have a chest to rival a pancake??

As a girl at that age, maybe it was just me or even my generation, what a bunch of totally unsophisticated, naieve munchikins we were. I can remember in year 7 getting into trouble at school because we trying to do those "up their cazaly" football marks on the backs of the guys we hung with - not sure why we got into trouble whether it was because we were unladylike (shocking I know!!) or because we may have injured the guys or ourselves on their watch! And for those really really out there times there was the age old kiss chasey - where you had to run like the wind when the guy you didn't like was after you, or trip and fall with the style of many a leading actress in the typical horror flick, when the guy you really fancied was chasing you!

Maybe the boys were being raised in an environment of more respect for girls as seen at home and maybe as a result of the kinds of music videos now plastered everywhere on a weekend morning, not being available to them back then. Maybe we girls were the product of raging female lib parents??

Although my Mum was certainly not like that. My Dad was a pretty strong personality though. But I always remember having a strong sense of self respect. Not that I didn't suffer the usual teen angst of self consciousness and feeling like everyone in the room was looking and judging me when I walked in, when in actual fact, was the reality was they probably didn't even notice me!! However I do remember having a strong view of me and what was acceptable and what was not.

I can remember a camp in primary school, must have been year 7 I think. We had a kind of young dude teacher we all thought was pretty cool...but he elevated his status big time when he brought his younger brother to the camp to help out. He must have been a uni student or some such I think but he had almost shoulder length hair and played the guitar. Oh you can picture it now, can't you? Like a scene out of grease, these 12-13 year old girls sitting around the camp fire postively glowing "in love" with the teacher's hot younger brother as he sat playing guitar. I recall him playing "living next door to Alice"...big mistake on his part - that became the camp theme song - for the girls at least. The cue to sit and drool while trying to sing and feast our eyes on this addonis before us! Kind of funny now looking back on it!

In high school we had the group of friends where invariably you tend to all being going out with one of the group. There was a guy in this group who as year older than me....we were going out together when I was about 15 I reckon...for all of like 6 weeks! Yeah long term relationships back then...however long term enough for him to decide to broach the conversation of the prospect of indulging in some horizontal dancing!!

Well poor bastard, don't think he had any idea of just what a wrong idea that was when he was dealing with me - by the time my tirade had finished I reckon his ears would have been ringing for days! It started with "Excuse me, just what kind of girl do you think I am?" and rolled on from there like the proverbial train derailment with accompanying wreckage along the way!

Granted one of my friend at around the time claims to have "done it" in the back of a horse float with one of her the guys from her horse riding club - but well you never know do you really? Sure she had the hickeys but hickeys are a long way from "doin' it"

The thought of taking photos of ourselves and giving them to these guys - not even in the same library let alone the same page of our thinking back then!

Hubby works in an environment where he sees too often girls who have such a low self esteem and their self respect is so lacking that in essence they are letting these boys do what they want to them in order to feel valued or accepted. The conversations hubby has had the misfortune of overhearing, can only be described as tragically sad and soul destroying.

I know that it is an issue of self esteem but it pulls at my heart that these girls feel it is ok for boys to treat them this way. That somehow this will gain them acceptance! I want to shout at them "you are better than this, you deserve better than this, this is not ok!"

"You do not have to do things you are not comfortable with or behave in ways that are self-degrading just to fit in"

"You are beautiful just the way you are, if this moron can't see that, he doesn't deserve you, kick him in the cods and go find someone who is worthy of you"

Sadly that doesn't happen and these girls find themselves on a slippery slope that often has far reaching implications in the longer term.

So fellow parents - we have a war to win.

Parents of daughters - build their self-esteem and their self respect. Have them honour who they are and their right to be treated correctly. Have them understand the loser that bags them for not wanting to sleep with them or do this or that "for them" is a loser with a "L" and they should run as fast as humanly possible away from people like this - these losers are not worthy of them! Have them also value and acknowledge those boys that do treat them with the respect they deserve.

Parents of boys - build their self esteem and self respect too. BUT teach them that they must respect the female of the species in the same way in which they respect themselves. That they should think of how people treat their mother when they think of the females in their lives. Would they like people to treat their mother in a way that was disrespectful? No, and so they should treat the ladies in their lives in the same way in which they like to see their mothers treated.

Master 16 surprised last year when relaying the story of a girl who he is good friends with that asked him if he liked her more than a friend. He replied he did, he liked her as a "very good, one of his best friends" friend but he didn't like her in a girlfriend kind of way.With all those raging hormones, it was good to see he valued her friendship and her as a person enough to be completely honest with her! Ok so maybe it might have something to do with the fact his mother is a black belt and would seriously kick his arse if she found out he was treating a girl with anything but his utmost respect!