The Rarity of Normality

So according to recent reports, todays internet technology is repsonsible for an increase in violence in our younger folk, places like facebook and myspace and everything in between apparently.

Add to that the regularly touted statistics that only about 2 kids in a class of 28 regularly sit down to an evening meal with their family - and well it all paints a pretty depressing picture.

Perhaps it is the social breakdown of the family unit, of community spirit and caring for the welfare and well being of others in our community that actually serves to generate the problems we are seeing today, perhaps this is more the culprit than facebook or myspace or even youtube!

All of this, and a recent birthday of Master 16, had me contemplating just how lucky we are, here in our household - I don't know if we are the rarity of normality (as it was when we kids grew up) or perhaps we are the exception to a sadder more modern normality.

Master 16 had the typical teen birthday that went for about a week - that is when you know you are still a kid and not an adult - when you are an adult you are lucky to get your birthday to last for 24 hours .....

So Master 16 celebrated on the day with a dinner for just the 4 of us at Gringo's Mexican at the Bay - oh and it was good! We are all a bit partial to guacamole, nachos and tortillas. So there we sat, inhaling this beautiful food until we reached our fill.....well we thought we had until we found Copenhagen icecream around the corner calling us to come in and have a little icecream for dessert that is!

Then came the weekend where we spent an afternoon with my mother and step-father, and my brother and nephew. Yup another one of those family type gatherings, the kids disppear upstairs to play their games and the adults can sit and eat all that "crap party food" and chat; catching up on what is happening in each others lives.

One of Master 16's favourite comments around here is, with his voice dripping sarcasm, he says "and how mature are you?" Granted it normally comes after a well earned juvenile display from me...like when we are getting settled to watch a movie nonchalantly walking into the room clearly not bothered on which chair I sit, then at the last minute dashing head long for the desired seat, pushing children's bodies behind me! Or his most damning of my juvenile behaviours, cracking up laughing at my own jokes before anyone else does "That is just disturbed, Mum. You don't laugh at your own jokes before someone else does it is just wrong".

So on the weekend he decided to seek counsel from his uncle and get him to agree with him that in fact I was disturbed because I laugh at my own jokes first. My brother's rsesponse (man I love this guy!!) went like this....

"Well you see some of us have a more highly evolved sense of humour than others. Then when we crack a joke, we need to laugh at it, to indicate that a joke has been made, so those not as highly evolved can know that it means they may have to think a little harder to find the joke in what we said"....cracking me up, I just looked at Master 16 and said "yeah, what he said" pointing at my brother - needless to say Master 16 just rolled his eyes in true teen fashion.

Then last night was the finale of the every going birthday celebration. We were invaded by six 16 year olds, 2 girls and 4 boys. I had met 3 of them before last night. I often refer to Master 16 and his friends as the misfits and I mean that in a loving, caring motherly way. I mean it in they don't fit the mold of "teenage jocks" or "supersporty" and each of them has their own sense of quirkiness but as a unit they just fit and work so well together. They are all incredibly supportive of each other and have a great friendship between them all.

So it was destination cold hills area of town on the day that was the coldest in 3 years! yep those poor parents would have loved us coming out for a 5.30pm drop off and a 10.30pm pick up.

The first thing that struck me was the giving of "gifts". As is usual fare at this age, it is often a card with some money and maybe a block of chocolate to boot. The thing that really touched me was that the majority of the cards were made by the kids themselves, and yes the boys being creative - who would have thought??? Mind you being creative allows for the subtle double play meanings you can put in your mate's cards that you might not find in your newsagent stand! These kids had spent their own time making cards for their mate for his birthday - I was stoked! How awesome that they wanted to spend the time, and equally how awesome that they didn't feel the need to buy a card so that they fitted some notion of the modern hip crowd with just the right card - see what I mean, misfits in the best possible ways.

When Master 16 planned his birthday, he had the option to choose more or less whatever he wanted, taking a group to the movies or somewhere else. "Nope mum, we don't need to do that stuff. We have the wii, the table tennis table, DVDs. We can do all that and all just sit about and talk and eat the party stuff" And that pretty much summed up the time they had last night. More soft drink was consumed per head than I thought humanly possible - lucky they left here late, hopefully they were tired when they got home and not buzzing on all that sugar!

It was bitterly cold last night but they cared not a jot! Outside for table tennis they went til hypothermia set in and they couldn't feel their fingers and thus had difficulty wielding their paddle with ease.

Of course they were not perfect angels all the time - they are teenagers, I would be worried if they were perfect angels all the time. The allure of the spiral staircase had been fought for sometime before they succumbed. Piling on top of each other and trying to slide down the bannister. Hubby was not impressed with this behaviour and read the riot act. I had to keep quiet because at their age, running full to the brim on sugar and hormones, I'm pretty certain I would have done the same thing - afterall bannisters are for sliding down really! Especially if you are in someone else's home and you don't have one of your own!

At different points in the night we had coffee with the parents of Master 16's best friend. Mum dropped them off, Dad did pick up. Poor Dad he turned up at 10 instead of 10.30 to wails of protest as he was picking up about 4 people! So he had to have a coffee to pass that crucial extra 30 mins at the end of a 5 hour period.

During our conversations we touched on the good things and perhaps the slightly scary things to come. We touched on how whilst it is a pain to have to go and drop them off and pick them up on a cold, wet night - it is a blessing knowing exactly where they are and who they are with and that they have a safe lift home. They are all coming to the age where they can get their "learners permits" and eventually be able to drive themselves. Fortunately this group are not the least bit interested yet and we, their parents, are happy to let this one lay dormant for as long as possible.

We also talked about how many 16 year olds try to smuggle alcohol in to each others' parties. As for these guys there was no smuggling and the contraband on the night consisted of extra wii controllers, some wii games and a PC game or two.

Of course we know we have to let them grow up and take their own paths but for now, things are in a really nice place. All of us as parents in this group know where they are, we drop them at each others' houses for movie nights, or poker nights or warhammer game days. We also know that the parents of all these kids have done a great job raising great kids who are respectful and sensible and just enjoy hanging out together without the need to do totally random stupid things.

So for now, as a group, we feel really blessed that our kids have found each other and have found a really great friendship group and that we as parents can feel comfortable in slowly letting them find their feet and start to explore more of life on their own terms.